You Should've Looked For Me When I Was in Purgatory
by UnintendedTrustFall
Summary: You don't get to sleep for long periods in Purgatory. Dean has a hard time adjusting to life back on Earth after getting out.


"When was the last time you slept?"

That struck Dean for a moment. For the first time since he got out, not twelve hours ago, he realized he could sleep for real now. He wasn't in a combat zone anymore. He could sleep longer than four hour to eight minute sleep cycles, hidden in foliage or sitting in a hole he'd dug just for the cause. He wouldn't have to wake up to rugarus trying to drink the blood that was probably seeping from one of the many scrapes, gashes, and bite marks that he got every day. He could actually just sleep.

But he knew that wasn't true.

Sam thought about saying something when Dean got on the bed and sat with his back to the wall, arms crossed over his knees that were drawn up to his chest like he was hiding, and closed his eyes. He thought about reminding him that he wasn't in Purgatory anymore. He didn't need to... do whatever the hell he was doing. He could get in the bed, lay down, relax. But he knew his brother well enough to know none of those things were going to happen.

He knew he'd have to get Dean to talk about this sooner or later, but for right now he was just glad that he'd agreed to sleep. So, if that meant curling up into the wall like he was hiding himself and resting without letting his guard down, well that would just have to be enough for now.

"You need to pull it together, chief."

Dean held up one shaky hand at Benny, the other clutched over his heart as he heaved out panicked breaths.

"Just-Just gimme a min... a minute..."

Benny whipped his head around, scanning the forest, "We don't got a minute! Don't you get it?! In one minute here, you could get-"

"SHUT UP!"

Benny opened his mouth to respond and hesitated. Then he rethought it for a second and said,

"Are you... panicking?"

"No! No, I'm- I just... I just need a minute..."

Benny opened his mouth to say something and then closed it. He turned his back to Dean, weapon wielded, eyes darting through the trees, giving him a minute.

Dean opened his eyes. He wasn't sure why he ever thought he could fall asleep back here anyway. He was sure it would happen eventually, but that thought scared him more than thinking he'd never sleep at all.

He got out of bed and went to the window. The wind rattled the tree branches against the side of the motel. It wasn't a forest, by any means, but trees were hiding places, and Dean wasn't about to let anything get him or Sam tonight.

Sam woke up to his alarm at 6:00 AM and got changed to go for a jog. He noticed that Dean was gone, but he hoped he was just out for breakfast already. He hoped that, but he didn't really believe it.

He went to the front door and found not only was it locked and dead bolted but that Dean had barricaded them in with the furniture from around the room.

Sam felt sick, realizing just how much Purgatory had affected Dean. So, screw the jog, he'd have to go find him.

Sam was somewhat relieved to see that the car was still there. Although he wondered now just how far Dean had gotten on foot.

He pulled out his phone and dialed Dean's number. It rang a few times, but no answer. Sam had a sneaking suspicion why and he returned to the room, calling again to confirm that Dean had left his phone there.

Sam was considering grabbing the keys and going for a drive around the motel to see where he might've walked to, when he heard a loud crash from outside.

He ran back out to the parking lot and found Dean had broken the passenger's window to the Impala. _His_ Impala. His _baby_.

He sat huddled on the ground, tucked between the outside wall of the motel and the front bumper of Baby holding a long shard of safety glass. He held it like a weapon, and concealed himself almost well enough that Sam wouldn't have seen him if he hadn't heard the window break.

He approached Dean with caution because he knew his brother got when he wasn't sleeping and he didn't know how his brother was yet when he'd just got out of Purgatory.

Softly, as he crouched down to eye level, not daring yet to fully approach yet, he said, "Hey, Dean?"

Dean jolted, plunging the glass forward at Sam like a reflex. Sam managed to dodge it, and showed his hands to Dean to show him he had nothing to hide. Nothing to hurt him.

Dean stared at him for a moment and then gasped, seeming to realize who Sam was and what he himself was doing. He dropped the glass and made shakily to stand as Sam mirrored his movements, in case Dean lost balance.

He didn't and instead just said, "I'm... I'm sorry, Sammy. I just... I don't know, I'm, uh... I'm pretty tired and I, uh... I shouldn't have been driving- had to get back to Millie's, y'know?" He attempted the joke, talking about Millie's Diner, where they'd gone the night before but Sam was stuck on the fact that he wouldn't admit what he really knew was going on.

Of course, Sam had been trying to get Dean to open up about what was bothering him, what was keeping him up at night for years, but it could wait for now. He needed sleep. And since he brought it up himself, he might just be willing to do it.


End file.
